So can we stop feeding these media whores already? They are just screeching with their mouths outstretched waiting for all of us to feed them….and we can’t help it…we feed them…over and over again…
I’m speaking mainly about “Jon and Kate” and the “balloon boy” and his parents.
Jon and Kate:
Every week i see another magazine headline…detailing Jon’s dating life or some sob story headline about Kate…She’s talking about how all of this is ruining the kids….Newsflash…that’s what divorces do…I mean the fact that you signed on to have your kids video taped for a few years…yeah i’m sure they are fine from that…its all the divorce that is screwing them up. Fuck you Kate. You’re a fucking wench to your husband…so he left you. You tried to be all controlling and both of you got wrapped up in the celebrity of it all…so have fun now…you’ve gotten what you deserve. The kids though, sucks for them….They didn’t ask mom and dad to get artificially inseminated (which ups the chance of twins or higher astronomically)…and that would be hard enough being one of the sextuplets….but then throw in that you have twins for other brothers and sisters bringing the total to 8…you have a dad with a crushes spirit and a succubus for a mom…ok now we are reaching the danger zone…Oh but wait, lets throw em on TV. Lets wait for mom and dad to get high off of celebrity and cheat on each other and have the whole divorce public. Great call…The way i see it they need to start being adopted out because you’ve already seriously fucked these little kids up. TLC may have got the jump on “Jon and Kate plus 8″ but what about E!….They will eventually get 10 true hollywood stories out of this deal. Yeah, TLC you may have cashed in now…but E! is letting that shit simmer for a bit….just letting it sit in the bank building up more and more…until they cash out…CHA-CHING!
That’s when Aiden or whatever the softheaded one with glasses’ name is reveals his struggles with heroin and his failing rock career.
The older twin sisters are in porn and one dies of aids. The other kids all share a one bedroom apartment and work as a cleaning service but have all written scripts for their variety show and are just waiting for their big break.
Kate gets killed by the body guard and Jon has a coke problem…and is dating younger girls that he thinks are attractive just because they are young…but look like the girls that spend 20hrs a day in the tanning bed. He at this point will have very little hair but will still be trying to spike it…will have a d-bag soul patch and always wear mirrored oakleys.
Balloon kid:
I’m SO glad i missed all the live news coverage when everyone thought this kid was in a weather balloon. That shit wasn’t believable during Roswell and its still a lame excuse when using it for lost kids. Apparently the dad has tried multiple things to try to get publicity…and this final stunt was used to launch a potential reality TV show….Well we are playing right into it…with all of these daily articles.
So first of all the kid’s name is Falcon….strike one. Strike two? The parents were already on an episode of wife swap…..Strike 3? The dad’s horrible acting…whenever in a bind he would just say “i’m so glad we found you!” followed by quickly grabbing his sons head and kissing it…to not only try to show how much he loves his son…but to shut him up.
Where i do have to give them credit…Its pretty ballsy to come up with a weather balloon as an excuse…because seriously…how dumb of a country are we when we belive that…this ‘normal family’ just has weather balloons laying around….and that his son somehow crawled into it and they had no way of stopping it before they released it. And how would you not tear your house apart while reporting your son is supposedly in the balloon….Also, how could it not be a hoax…the kid is small as shit…wouldn’t he have to get some assistance to get up to where he was hiding…or leave some evidence of stuff he used to climb up there?
What’s funny about the situation though: that there isn’t really much they can get charged with….they are saying the most the can be charged with as of now is a class 2 misdemeanor. And really the family got what they wanted…because even if they don’t get a reality show…they still got their moment in the spotlight. SNL, days of news stories, and interviews. So we are all the suckers…and we’ve all been watching reality shows and viral videos for years now…so why are we gonna try and get all mad now? Yep..we’re dumb and we can’t get enough of trying to immerse ourselves in other people’s lives to take the focus off of our own….So guess what…lets just laugh with them…don’t be outraged…you’ve been had….Laugh it off and watch some My Antionio or something.
In closing…i guess i’ve been had to….because even though i was late on the balloon boy story and don’t follow the Jon and Kate show….Here i am…bloggin about it…shit…lets get some real news headlines so we can stop giving these people all of our attention.
In very related news…how does it feel to have your money go to more executive bonuses for failed companies…Yeah, that’s right…AIG all over again but with way more companies…These bailed out companies are giving out record bonuses. SOME of them have paid back the money they borrowed from us…but its funny…the only reason they were able to do that was by lending less to people. That’s funny…the only way you were saved is because these same people had to take on the financial burden to save your company and your repayment is to make is much harder for those same people to lend from you. You pay back the money and its high-fives all around! And then you have a money burning party.
We’re screwed….we give all of our media coverage to weather balloon hoaxes and reality stars…meanwhile a shaky and super expensive health care plan is trying to be pushed through and the big companies we just got done saving are looking for ways to get close to ruining us again.
God Bless America!
Seriously…i love the country…but hate the inefficiency of this establishment.
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