So for those of you that don’t know, I am a member of The Wings Club at my school–it’s a pretty legit, as well as extremely exclusive, club within my sorority. Basically, we get together and eat wings as often as we can, but not more than once a week, otherwise we’d probably all die. We share great times and great food with GREAT people. Last night, the Wings Club took a little field trip to a place called Quaker Steak and Lube. We had never heard about it until recently, and their advertisement of being voted the best wings in the U.S.A as well as their whopping SIXTEEN different flavors of wings definitely reeled us in. As if that wasn’t enough, Tuesdays is ALL YOU CAN eat wings for only like $12–that was what sealed the deal for sure. So, we hopped into the Wing Mobile and drove out into the night. 15 minutes later, we arrived at what seemed to be the holy grail of wing joints. Adorned with auto parts, cars, custom choppers and a shit-ton of street signs–we were home. We sat down at a table and our waiter, Randizzle, came over to serve us. Obviously each of us got the all you can eat special. We ordered the flavors we wanted, and sat at the table admiring what surrounded us–it was glorious.
The wings came, and so did a bunch of free homemade potato chips with this insane hot, Guinness-cheese dip. The wings were awesome, not the best the wings club has ever sampled, but definitely up there on the list. With all the wings we could stomach in front of us, we had no choice but to turn this trip into a competition amongst the club–so that’s when it began. Whoever ate the most wings by the time the check came would be the victor. I can eat, that’s for sure, so I was determined to win, but my taysian friend (Tan-Asian) definitely stood in my way. I don’t really understand her–she ate a small dinner at the house before we left, and she was still munching away like a pro at the table! She’s one of the thinnest people I know, and she can eat more than half of the guys I know. I’d say she can eat enough to feed a small country…I kid you not. Then, there was my friend, let’s just call her motormouth for arguments sake. This girl usually gets boneless wings, and only 3 of them, so I didn’t think too much of her standing in my way that night. Then there was the blonde one, she didn’t pose much of a threat, but nonetheless, she was still competition in my eyes. And so it began.
We were all pretty much on the same page, but then blondie’s stomach gave out because she had a little something to eat beforehand, but the rest of us were still in full force. The taysian and I were tied at 16 a piece, and motormouth was rounding the corner with 14 under her belt–it was getting fierce. I was proudly chowing down on my 19th wing when I began to feel something strange–pain. I couldn’t eat anymore, I just couldn’t do it. I felt like someone stuck cement down my throat and it had just solidified–not a good feeling. I decided to stand up and jump a little bit to try and work the food down, into my stomach, because at the moment I felt it in my throat. At this point, the taysian was on wing number 30, I know…ridiculous, and somehow motormouth was on her 19th and still going strong! I felt ashamed, so after a few moments and another trip to the bathroom, I stuck wing number 20 in my mouth, and with much pain and force, I finished it. Of course, I still came in third place at the final standings were as follows:
4th: Blondie with 13 wings
3rd: Me with 20 wings
2nd: Motormouth with 25 wings
1st: Taysian with 35 wings! That’s more than most men can eat!
It was definitely a “holy shit” moment for both the wings club and Randizzle when we saw how many wings Taysian was able to eat, but we were so proud of her that we couldn’t help but congratulate her for the feat she had just accomplished. Overall, we had a bangin’ time at Quaker Steak and Lube, and we plan on going back sometime in the very near future. Now we know not to eat for hours upon hours before we head over there to eat, because we’ll get our fair share when we get there.
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