You’ve heard it a million times before, and probably done it a few times yourself. At restaurants, movie theaters, at work and pretty much everywhere else in public. Now get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about terms of endearment.
You know, when you call your better half, “Honey-bun” or “‘lil lamb chop” or “sweetie-pie” or the countless other sweet/salty snacks/foods you like or can think of. But did you ever wonder where these terms originated from? Or phrases like “You look good enough to eat”. Well yes, porn…. but they get their material from some place too. No prizes for guessing but all this terminology stems from the human-desire to consume…food.
Ergo, thought it would be only too fitting to relate women to food.
So without further delay….
Empire Butter Chicken
Health rating: 6/10
Usually makes an appearance after a very drunken night, succulent, usually tender, and generally, very satisfying after a night of binge drinking. But just like the actual dish, you kind of regret you had some when you wake up the next morning. Ends up giving you unexpected problems, like making you spend extended periods in the loo and seeking treatment later.
Daal Rice
Health rating: 8/10
Staple food of most Indian men. Just like the dish, these women are there whenever you need, and are ready at a moments notice. Also just like the dish, gets boring and mundane if consumed everyday for long durations of time. And this results in a yearning for the occasional “Butter chicken”, after which you want it again. Gave birth to the adage of “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em”
“Healthy” Tandoori Chicken
Health rating: 3/10
Wrong on so many levels. These are the kind of women who will take something fun and suck the life right out of it. Just like the dish, the promise of the meaty-goodness of legs & breasts is laid out right under your nose and then taken away while reminding you sternly, “That this much rich food is not good for you” instead “have a modified version of it, just like the original, but without the masala or the flavor, told you just like the original” I’ve been told by a fellow researcher, that there is a name for this variety of woman, “wife”.
Chateaubriand
Health rating: 4/10
Definitely an acquired taste. Just like the dish, will run up quite a bill at restaurants. Goes best after expensive wine or scotch. Comes in a portion just big enough to satisfy but leaves you craving for more. Definitely can’t afford to spend time with this woman everyday. Unless you have very, very deep pockets.
Raas Malai
Health rating: 3/10
Made popular by the BBC programme “Goodness gracious me” This term is constantly used by British-Asians (notably punjabis) and Brits who wanna hang with the asian kids. Literally stems from the term “eye-candy” more often than not, these women do turn out to be just that, candy, the kind that makes you wish you had tooth-ache just so you’d be distracted enough by the pain, not to hear her silly rambling!
Maggi Noodles
Health rating: 8/10
Similar to the daal rice variety in so many ways. This is the very epitome of the comfort variety. There by your side to give you solace when the world is against you. Doesn’t mind being there when every other varienty is scarce or non-existent. And ready in just 2-minutes (a lil overboard I know). Just like the dish, this woman is great to spend time with in the morning, afternoon, night or even in-between meals. Again just like the daal rice variety, looses it’s appeal if consumed too often.
There are, of course, numerous other varieties, because just like the endless, wonderful world of cuisine, the varieties of women are also limitless.
Which is why the “Doshi’s Institute” is recruiting the most brilliant minds (i.e. you) to contribute your findings and help further the boundaries of science and human understanding. If you do want to share your research, do get in touch.
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